


Meme The Day

by kethni



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hate Sex, PWP, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 23:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11218515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: If memes go viral then there has to be a patient zero...





	Meme The Day

**Author's Note:**

> For Intronerd - thanks for the suggestion!

 

 

Selina tossed back her hair. ‘What the fuck is a memmy?’

‘A meme,’ Jonah said.

‘What?’ she growled.

Jonah licked his lips. ‘It’s pronounced meme,’ he said. ‘Ma’am.’

‘Don’t start that again.’

Amy held up her hands. ‘Memes are like a template for a joke. Some image or catchphrase becomes popular and people put them in increasingly different contexts to get a cheap laugh out of other people.’

‘It’s a kind of shorthand,’ Dan said. ‘To share cultural references.’

Selina tapped her foot. ‘Lazy, creatively bankrupt assholes get to pretend to be witty as shit by reducing me to a punch line?’

Her staff cleared their throats and shuffled their feet.

‘Pretty much, yeah,’ Dan said.

‘Someone made me into a meme,’ she said. ‘They’re like a virus, right?’ She crossed her legs. ‘There’s gotta a patient zero.’

‘There could be dozens, Ma’am,’ Jonah said. ‘Lots of different entry points and –’

‘No,’ she interrupted. ‘All of a sudden I’m getting a new one of these things every time I sneeze or wear a new hat.’ She pointed at him. ‘Someone is doing this on purpose. They’re brewing up computer colds and sneezing all over the internet.’

‘Ma’am,’ Amy said. ‘That’s a little...’

‘It’s possible,’ Dan said. ‘If you uploaded to enough social media sites you might get some buzz.’

‘Right! Go find out who it is.’

Amy gripped her pen. ‘And then?’

‘And then me shoving my foot up his ass can be a brand new meme

***

It was mostly for show. She knew who was responsible. She fucking _knew_ It was Kent. The timing was just too coincidental. The first one was just as she was picking up popularity for resolving the hostage crisis. Now they seemed to pop up every time she scored big or POTUS stumbled. Her team thought it was one of the costs of being a public figure.

Bullshit. Selina was being used as a distraction and being punished when POTUS thought she was shining too brightly. Or maybe Kent was the one deciding to get at her. Whoever was pushing it, she was sure that Kent was the one pulling the trigger. He’d always hated her. That was fine. She’d always hated him. She despised his cold eyes, robotic manner, and obsession with data. She hated his long legs always outpacing her, his hands that engulfed hers when he shook her hand, and his stupid, fucking beard. Who the hell had a beard? It wasn’t the seventies. He wasn’t some kind of a hippy. Hippies were moronic assholes, but at least they cared about things. Kent didn’t care about shit. Human beings cared. They had desires and passions. Kent didn’t recognise desire and passion, let alone feel it. She’d learned that the hard way.

The less said about that the better.

Prick.

He should’ve known better than letting her drink so much. A decent guy would’ve kept pace instead of having two drinks and switching over to water. It was rude, that’s what is was. She was trying to be friendly, trying to warm him up, and he kept staring at her like she had a second head.

Fucking asshole.

He was in the dining hall with some woman that Selina had never seen before. Hell, she’d even never _seen_ Kent in the dining room before.

Selina took a seat. She could see Kent’s table from where she was sat. The woman was in her late thirties or early forties with long, dark hair, a ridiculously short skirt, and pouty lips. She was doing all the talking. She also had a pink briefcase.

Lobbyist. Huh.

Amy followed Selina’s gaze. ‘Lobbyist for Harden Chemicals,’ she said. ‘They want TSCA weakening.’

‘What? You could already drive a tank through that thing.’

Amy shrugged. ‘They’d really like it repealing.’

‘Why don’t we just have them pouring chemical cocktails into school water supplies and have done with it?’ Selina asked.

Amy poked at her food. ‘Too many kids with superpowers?’

‘Is that a thing?’ Selina asked. ‘Don’t they have to be bitten by spiders or be born mutated?’

‘Maybe that’s what happened to Jonah,’ Amy said.

Selina snickered. ‘His superpower is being an enormous jack-off.’

‘His origin story is that he was bitten by a radiative jack-off,’ Amy said.

The lobbyist leaned forward and touched the back of Kent’s hand. He yanked it away.

Amy and Selina sucked in their breath.

‘She fucked that up,’ Amy said.

‘Kent no likey public touchey,’ Selina said.

‘Nobody likes touching,’ Amy said almost automatically.

Selina gave her a sideways glance. ‘Touching a guy’s hand is a high intensity move.’

Amy shuddered. ‘Someone needs to tell her to just flash her tits.’

Selina shook her head. ‘Wouldn’t work.’

‘Not a breast guy,’ Amy suggested.

‘Probably be more interested in a nice set of hydraulics,’ Selina said. ‘Or a thumping piston.’

Amy leaned forward. ‘You think?’

Selina let herself look at Kent again. As she was watching, his gaze slipped to the lobbyist’s legs and then back op to her face. Damn.

‘Hydraulics guy.’

She must have sounded disappointed because Amy shot her a really strange look.

The lobbyist leaned forward, pushing up her breasts with her forearm.

‘Getting desperate,’ Selina said.

‘What was she gonna do if she’d met with a woman?’ Amy wondered.

It was Selina turn to pull her face. ‘A woman senior strategist?’

Amy nodded. ‘Whatever was I thinking?’

‘Fuck knows.’

***

‘We traced all of your memes on “know your meme” and traced the ISP of the points of origin –’

Selina threw up her hands. ‘Get to the point, Dan.’

‘It’s the West Wing,’ he said. ‘We can’t be more specific.’

She slapped the desk. ‘I knew it! I fucking _knew_ it!’

‘Why would they do that?’ Gary gasped.

Amy cleared her throat. ‘It looks like they’re using memes to distract from bad news.’

‘It’s Kent, ‘Selina spat. ‘He’s out to get me.’

‘It’s not just you,’ Dan said. ‘That Vine mashup of Danny Chung repeatedly talking about the tank, was posted in D.C. by the user responsible for a slew of the memes.’

Amy nodded. ‘Same with the clip of Maddox falling over in the mud.’

Selina ground her teeth. ‘But it’s mostly me.’

They nodded.

‘It’s mostly you.’

‘Yeah.’

***

She’d always thought the cartoon image of angry person having steam coming out of their ears was fucking nuts. Now she got it. Oh, but she _got it._

People got out of her way as she stormed through the West Wing. She flung open the door to Kent’s tiny office.

It was empty.

She could have asked Ben if he knew where Kent was. She could have waited. She didn’t do either.

She did something much worse.

‘You can track phones,’ she said to the baffled teenager in IT.

‘Yes, but –’

‘I wasn’t asking. I was stating a fact,’ she hissed. ‘Just like I’m not asking when I say you’re going to track Kent Davison’s phone and tell me where he is.’

He swallowed audibly. ‘That would be illegal.’

‘We’re the government,’ she said. ‘And I’m not asking you to show me the porn he’s got stored on there, or listen to his playlist. Just tell me where he is.’

The quivering boy decided that the all majesty of the law was nowhere near as terrifying as the tiny woman glowering less than a foot away.

‘Just... just a minute to run the software.’ he said, his voice rising and falling like a choppy sea.

‘Well?’ she asked after a few seconds.

He frowned. ‘Uh.’

‘What?’

He scratched his head. ‘It looks like he’s in a hotel.’

Selina grinned viciously. ‘Oh really.’

***

She didn’t hammer on the hotel room door. That would’ve been too easy. He would’ve been warned. He would’ve been wary.

She tapped the door gently, and stood to the side of the spy hole. After a few seconds, she heard movement. She tapped on the door again.

‘Yes?’

The lobbyist was older than Selina had realised. She was… okay looking, Selina had to admit, and under the little robe she was wearing, she had a decent enough figure.

She was a seven, maybe, and Selina was confident to consider herself a nine. What the fuck was wrong with Kent?

‘Get Davison out of the closet or wherever he’s hiding,’ Selina snarled.

The lobbyist stepped aside to let Selina enter the room. ‘Madam Vice President, I would love to spend a little time –’

‘What on Earth is going on?’ Kent asked, walking out of the bathroom. He was obviously naked under his robe. It was open almost to his navel, showing a firm chest and a thatch of salt-and-pepper hair. The robe reached mid-thigh, leaving his surprisingly toned bare legs on display.

Jesus.

‘I wanna talk to you,’ Selina said. ‘About memes.’

She saw him get it, but that he was going to brazen it out.

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Kent said.

Selina put her hands on her hips. ‘That’s where you wanna go? With your little friend here you want me to explain?’

He was good. His expression didn’t change.

‘I’m entirely indifferent to whom you announce your issue,’ he said. ‘However, in the pursuit of professionalism, we should take this somewhere else.’

‘I’ll go shower,’ the lobbyist offered. ‘You two can discuss your “issue” in peace.’

‘Thank you, Amber,’ Kent said as she headed to the bathroom.

‘Tootles, Amber,’ Selina said sarcastically. She tapped her foot.

‘Well?’ Kent asked, when the water started.

‘Jesus, am I supposed to talk to you in a robe? Put some fucking clothes on.’

She knew she’d fucked up. She knew from the amusement in his eyes. She just didn’t know how.

‘As you like.’ He picked up his clothes from where they were hanging, and put them on the bed.

Then he dropped the be robe.

Selina half turned, caught herself, and forced herself to look at him ‘Don’t you have any shame?’ she demanded.

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘You insisted I get dressed. What did you imagine I was going to do, stand in the corridor?’

She knew she was red. She was burning up. It was infuriating. He was making an all-out power play and the only way to fight back was to look him right in the eye, without caring.

She couldn’t even laugh. _It_ was no laughing matter.

‘Sexual harassment is a big deal y’know,’ she blustered.

‘Speaking as the person who was minding his own business when a colleague, who insists on being given every privilege, burst in and ordered him to undress, I must agree.’

Selina could feel her ears throbbing. ‘I told you to put more clothes on!’

He pulled on his shirt. Just his shirt. His dick was still clearly visible.

‘Alas that did perforce mean I had to take my robe off,’ he said.

Selina clenched her fists, aware that she had completely lost the initiative.

‘Don’t try to distract me,’ she said. ‘I know you’re behind the memes.’

‘Would you care to be more specific?’ he asked. ‘A thousand memes are born and die every day.’

Selina poked him in the chest, trying desperately not to look at the fine grey and brown hair visible where the buttons were undone.

‘Quit fucking around. You know what you did and I know, and I can prove it.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Melodrama doesn’t threaten me.’

‘How about being fired, that threaten you?’ she hissed.

He bent down to put on his underwear. ‘You’ve come running over here to confront me,’ he said, pulling on his trousers. ‘Without a single solid idea what to do next.’

‘I knew exactly what I was doing!’ she snapped.

He looked at her. It was a look that said she was in a hotel room with a man she barely knew. A man who, thirty seconds ago, had been naked. A man who, if required, could easily be naked again.

Selina cleared her throat and forced herself not to step back. ‘I know it was you,’ she said.

‘Ma’am, an IP address can be linked to a building, perhaps, depending on a whole host of different issues. It can’t be linked to a specific computer.’

Jesus, his eyes were dark. She’d never noticed that before.

‘That sounds like an admission of guilt,’ she said.

‘It’s not,’ he assured her.

‘I thought you’d have some excuse, like POTUS told you to,’ she said. She could see the beads of water in his chest hair.

Kent licked his lower lip. She watched the flash of wet, pink flesh pass across.

‘ _If_ I were to do such a thing,’ he said, ‘you may rest easy that it would have POTUS’s full backing.’

Selina squared her shoulders. ‘This is because I’m a woman.’

He chuckled. The fucker actually had the temerity to laugh in her face.

‘Your sex has nothing to do with it,’ he said.

‘Bullshit!’

‘You’re the vice president,’ he said. ‘It’s your function to support the president.’

Selina was shaking her head. ‘Don’t serve me shit and tell me it’s chocolate. You’re trying to screw me.’

Kent raised his eyebrows.

‘You’re trying to get at me,’ she corrected. ‘You’ve got it in for me.’

He tipped his head. ‘What possible reason could you have to believe that?’ he asked innocently. ‘Surely not guilt at your deliberate attempt to humiliate me with that song.’

Selina’s smile was savage. ‘I knew it got to you!’

‘And now I know that memes bother you,’ Kent said.

Selina clenched her fists. ‘You –’

The water in the shower shut off. They both glanced to the bathroom and then back at each other.

‘This isn’t over,’ Selina said, gathering herself together.

‘Oh, joy,’ Kent said, as she headed to the door.

 ***

Selina prowled Mike’s office each morning for two weeks. Mike told her every day that he’ll show her any memes of her. She didn’t believe him. Mostly because he was an idiot, but also because she didn’t trust him to give her hard truths.

Everyone was relieved when the West Wing sent photographs from the congressional ball over for Selina to approve. It finally gave her an excuse to go and confront Kent.

‘Oh no, no,’ Selina said, bright eyed, snatching up the photographs. ‘Not again. No messages that Kent can ignore. No possible wriggle room for him to pretend he misunderstood or forgot. I’m gonna go over there, I’m going to show him which ones I approve, and I’m gonna shove the others down his throat.’

She saw Amy and Dan exchange a look. Well fuck them. Nobody was using _them_ as a damn punch line. Nobody was treating them with a complete lack of decorum and respect.

‘Hey, knock it off!’ she yelled at them. ‘Dan get some fucking work done. Amy, you’re with me. Jesus, it’s like working with school children.’

Respect was vital. If you didn’t have that then you didn’t have anything. She was gonna teach Kent some respect.

She hadn’t seen him properly since... Not to speak to. When she had seen him, he’d acted like nothing had happened. Like it wasn’t important enough to remember or acknowledge. Like she wasn’t important enough.

Staffers scattered as she stormed through the West Wing with Amy and Gary in her wake. She flung open the door to Kent’s office, startling an intern.

‘He’s in the meeting room,’ the intern squeaked. ‘Third door on the left.’

It wasn’t déjà vu but it was close as Selina threw open the door to the meeting room. Kent was poring over the photographs of the Congressional Ball along with a dozen of his robot staffers. A few of them were even female, or what passed for it in D.C.

Kent was in his shirt sleeves and his tie was loosened. He straightened up and put his hands on his hips.

‘Madam Vice President,’ he said warily.

‘Looking for one to make me look totally shit?’ she asked.

He narrowed his eyes. ‘Everyone out,’ he said.

‘That’s my line,’ Selina said.

‘It’s my turn,’ he retorted, as the staffers trickled out of the room.

‘You heard him, get out!’ Selina snapped at Amy and Gary. She marched over to the door and slammed it in Gary’s face.

‘Are you going to do this each time we issue photographs?’ Kent asked.

‘Don’t you take that patronising fucking tone with me!’

‘Don’t try to throw your weight around, Ma’am,’ he said, not moving as she strode across to him. ‘You don’t have the heft.’

‘Treat me with some fucking respect and we won’t have to have this problem,’ she said, poking his chest.

Kent sighed. ‘Respect must be earned.’

‘I’m the vice president!’ she snarled.

Kent rolled his eyes.

Selina tried to slap him. He caught her wrist.

‘ _Let go_.’

He did.

She tried to slap him. He caught her wrist.

‘Is this truly what you want to do?’ he asked.

‘No,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘Let go. You’re hurting me.’

Kent released her hand. She grabbed his collar, pulled him down towards her, and kissed him, hard.

He lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist. A few steps and he was dropping her on the table.

She tugged at his trousers. He dragged her skirt up over her thighs.

His mouth was warm against her neck. Her fingers knotted in his hair.

Selina’s legs tightened around him.

***

She had banged her head on the conference table. How the fuck had she ended up on her back anyway?

‘Ow,’ she said. One of her shoes slipped off and clattered noisily onto the floor. ‘Fuck,’ she added.

‘We did,’ Kent said, crisply.

Selina sat up. He was straightening his tie.

‘I’ll issue the photograph of you by the fountain,’ he said.

‘Yeah, that’s the one I was gonna say,’ she said, breathlessly.

He was neatening his hair. ‘The light is particularly diffuse and that’s extremely flattering.’

‘Screw you, nerdmeister, I’m fucking gorgeous.’ Selina pushed herself off the table and staggered over to her dropped shoe.

‘I don’t believe I said otherwise,’ Kent said. 

‘Oh.’ Selina stepped into her other shoe. ‘I want the photograph of me by the staircase too.’

Kent frowned and put his hands on his hips. ‘POTUS is in the back of that photograph. We cannot foreground you against him.’

‘Sure you can.’ Selina strutted over to him. ‘He’s old. He’s fat. He’s a white man. That’s not the image of the party you want to _foreground_. You want female, young, and sexy. You want me.’

Kent looked her up and down slowly. ‘You’re right,’ he said.

‘I know it.’

The End


End file.
